My dad always used to tell me this one story about how he used to go back to his village from the city on the very first day of his summer break from school every year. He has told me this story plenty of times and every time my 12-year-old brain would think about why someone would go back to a place with such irregular electricity and no malls and very few shops. I asked my dad “Why did you keep going back? There’s even nothing good on TV there!” He would always answer saying “You wouldn’t get it.” I came to Canada in 2021 and being more than a year away from home now, all I have to say is “Dad, I do get it now.”
Work Permit
I am on a work permit now and I am looking for a better job than my current one. Being out of college is a huge relief though because I don’t have to worry about my assignments or exams anymore. But studies do not end here. I am eyeing a certification which will take about 2-3 months of my time to prepare for its exam. Motivating myself to study is very hard. I barely touch my Xbox sometimes because it’s too far from my bed (literally 20 meters max).
Also, I work 7 days a week now since my mind dives into a bad space whenever I am free. The pay keeps me going.
The Drip Problem
Everyone around here with their crazy drip game makes me feel like questioning my choices many times. I can barely pull off what I wear. I don’t understand how people manage to be so nice with just their shirts and pants. It’s we all have two eyes, one nose and one mouth but still, we have people who look cute or smart by face.
This drip thing has really got me to work on my fashion, which was something I never wasted my time on. All I know is hoodies, shirts and t-shirts but I think I've got to do an udemy course or something on this to get a better grasp on this whole drip case.
I meet my friends and they look smart. Met them two times and I am like nah bro I gotta postpone plans - gotta shop first for some decent clothes before appearing in front of these fuckers.
The Dating Problem
Remember that time when your train/bus is in front of you and yet it’s slightly far so you make the decision that fuck it, I'll just catch the next. You had your moment to catch the current bus/metro if you wanted to, but you just didn't run or try hard enough or maybe it wasn't in your hands. While you wait for the next bus/metro, you have this running thought in your mind that you should've just taken the previous one, since this one is taking too long to come. It feels like my life is stuck in this interval where I am waiting for the next bus when I could've taken the previous one.
The Relationship “Rizz” Scale
I think if you want to get someone to like you, the best way is to just have a smart face, body, biceps etc. Since that’s clearly out of the picture for me, that really limits my options for getting someone to look at me in the way I looked at this random girl 5 weeks ago who told me “Nice hat!”. In my view, the first impression games fall along the lines of this:
I believe everyone wants adventure in their lives, and I believe I come off as too nice to be vibed or too be seen as a potential date material type of thing. The problem is I just cannot move this scale in my favour, this fuckall scale has been there since my social life began.
In Love With Toxicity
Why does every lady I know love toxicity? This is insane, hilarious and it drove me crazy to the point I have stopped caring about this anymore. Anyway, two things on this:
A friend tells me she has some guy back in India whom she had a short affair with. The guy regularly guilts trips her and makes her send money for him to buy stuff. She knows but she continues the cycle because the guy is “a nice guy”.
I used to talk to this girl who would only talk when I would call or message. Zero efforts from her side and everything. I respect that if you don’t want to talk to me, so I decided not to text/call first. But now we talk frequently, with them reaching out first. Since I pulled the plug on attention, it worked. And this always works. This is like the universal law - just don’t give attention and you’ll get attention. But I hate this. I would love to give you all my attention, but apparently, this is just not the way to go.
Here’s a glimpse of real-world dating:
Bad Texter
There was this girl who told me that she was a bad texter. I bought it. I was so convinced by the statement that I never questioned it. But she would always be on her phone when we met, so it’s really hard for her to miss the texts with that logic. It took me so long to realize that she just chose to not to reply to my messages. I was getting ignored all along. I saw this stand-up video where the guy explained this exact scenario and it was hilarious.
I’ll get better and not reply in 0.5 seconds someday.
The Apps
I gave in and installed some dating apps. My analysis is the whole scene is beyond fucked.
I am 100% sure the rest just don’t know how to filter height.
I have 3 seconds to get attention on my profile. I am just not that attractive to pull this. You go further into my profile and you see a height of 5’9”. I have been swiped off before you know it.
I’ve had matches but nothing groundbreaking. Because you can always find better by swiping. I tried Bumble premium where I can swipe unlimited for 24 hours. I swiped for so many hours to everyone, and still no matches.
I am totally not cut for this.
The Standards
I read somewhere that lowering standards will help. But only I lower my standards, they still have the same standards. Makes no difference on my life.
I'll just buy everything, My therapy is buying electronics which I use once in 3 months.
I am not complaining about dating. I am writing this because I am giving up on dating (99%). I have a better chance of being a CEO than scoring a date at this point.
The Bottomline
Dr. Bigelow: So you took a chance on being happy, even though you knew that later on you would be sad.
Louie: Yeah.
Dr. Bigelow: And now… you’re sad.
Louie: Yeah.
Dr. Bigelow: So… what’s the problem?
Louie: I’m too sad… Look, I liked the feeling of being in love with her. I liked it. But now she’s gone and I miss her and it sucks. And I didn’t think it was going to be this bad, and I feel like, why even be happy if it’s just going to lead to this, you know? It wasn’t worth it.
Dr. Bigelow: You know, misery is wasted on the miserable.
Louie: What?
Dr. Bigelow: You know, I’m not entirely sure what your name is, but you are a classic idiot. You think spending time with her, kissing her, having fun with her, you think that’s what it was all about? That was love?
Louie: Yeah.
Dr. Bigelow: THIS is love. Missing her, because she’s gone. Wanting to die…. You’re so lucky. You’re like a walking poem. Would you rather be some kind of a fantasy? Some kind of a Disney ride? Is that what you want? Don’t you see? This is the good part. This is what you’ve been digging for all this time. Now you finally have it in your hand, this sweet nugget of love, sweet, sad love, and you want to throw it away. You’ve got it all wrong.
Louie: I thought this was the bad part.
Dr. Bigelow: No! The bad part is when you forget her, when you don’t care about her, when you don’t care about anything. The bad part is coming, so enjoy the heartbreak while you can, for God’s sakes. Pick up the dog poop, would you please? Lucky sonofabitch. I haven’t had my heart broken since Marilyn walked out on me, since I was 35 years old. What I would give to have that feeling again… You know, I’m not really sure what your name is, but you may be the single most boring person I have ever met. No offense. Give me my dog. Come here. You… Don’t fall down.
Louie, Season 4, Episode 10 (Heartbreak and Love)
In all honesty, love has got to be my life’s most painful experience. Not the pinky toe getting stubbed, or my bike accident or my homies forgetting to wish me my birthday, or slipping on black ice twice hurt me as much as love did.
Don’t you wish forever was real?
The Peaking of AI
In the months I didn’t write, we witnessed the rise of ChatGPT. I am so glad I started this stupid newsletter because it doesn’t matter how much AI advances in this century, it definitely cannot copy how stupidly I write stuff.
Maybe it can. I’ll feed it 5 editions and then tell it to generate one based on them. Let’s see what it has to say.
Punjab on Lockdown
Assessing the current scenario of India, all I think is this is how Muslims feel all the time. Always remember folks, not raising your voice/staying neutral only means you are siding with the oppressor. I watch all the hate posts every day targeted towards my religion, a false narrative being created because of a few idiots. Y’all aren’t a minority, y’all will never get how it feels like.
The Area Update
You know Delhi news. But do you know what’s up in Greater Toronto Area? Let me update you on this.
The Library Fight
I used to visit this library and it was a nice place to chill. My favourite library is the one near my work in Mississauga though. You cannot empty a library just because you need to open a university. Get some other building man!
Toronto’s World-Class Public Transport
Stabbings are so frequent I avoid taking TTC whenever possible. So glad Brampton and Mississauga Transit exist for my daily commute.
I wrote this thread in February this year and there has been zero improvements since. Click the tweet to read all:
Nothing beats Delhi Metro. This whole country is a big scam.
That’s all folks. I messed my schedule writing this. I will be frequent from now on (saying this since 2021).
Aa bhi jaao..... aa bhi jaao
Dukh hi dukh